


never knew (I was a dancer).

by Growtear



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 09:36:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4914436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Growtear/pseuds/Growtear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never knew (I was a dancer).

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t want to… I swear. Also I’m not a native speaker, and I don’t have a beta so any mistakes are my own.  
> Please read the warnings before reading.

 

> _It’s a different kind of danger_  
>  And my feet are spinning around  
>  Never knew I was a dancer  
>  ‘Till Delilah showed me how 
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

1.

It was in the night. Foreign sequences starting and ending swiftly. A whisper between darkness, an echo in the halls of the manor, breaking the night’s stillness like a sharp knife. It was a sudden revelation that would exist only in few precious minutes, never long enough to be something else. It was a secret that they shared apprehensively and in the morning, a strange heaviness in the chest.

The first time, the music at the New Year’s ball resounded in any corner of the manor. It was fifteen minutes before midnight and bursts of cold wind could be heard against the decorated windows. The lights through the corridors are dim and almost nonexistent, all the illumination situates in the main hall.

Damian was there obliged by Gotham’ socialité, everyone asking about Bruce’s ‘cute’ son. Yet his thoughts are in what he could be doing in those moments, drawing in his room or in patrol. He could be with Cassandra and Harper instead of smiling for the photographers. He has a glass of wine, wandering through the corridors and trying to hide himself from the festive atmosphere. The whole celebration was boring and pointless in Damian’s opinion. He didn’t like the idea of shoving grapes into your mouth, so Bruce didn’t say anything when he noticed his son leaving the party.

Titus was behind him, happy to have little company after the loneliness he endured for two hours. Damian stroked his ears, swinging the glass of wine in his hand. His steps were doing a little echo in the corridors, merging with the numb sounds of the music Damian hated.

He turned and found himself in a darker corridor; the foliage of the pines covered in snow hid the dim moonlight. Titus panted happily and Damian raised his gaze, curious to whatever called the dog’s attention.

Dick was leaning against the wall with a glass of wine between his fingers but also, empty. Damian assumed that Dick was in the hall, enjoying the noisy party as always. But it seemed that the man decided to wander for the manor, surely disappearing from the party after Damian. The man looked drunk and confused and Damian frowned.

His senses looked numb and he carried a sad and tired aura that Damian didn’t see since Dick dropped the cowl. The man seemed oblivious of the boy and indeed he was until Titus -trying to bright the mood- walked towards him, licking his hand. The gesture startled the man, but smiles a little, pronouncing the dog’s name and looks up, confused.

Dick’s eyes were clouded and Damian felt something heavy in his stomach. The man offered again a smile that could fool anyone in the party but Damian. The boy approaches him slowly and Titus saw him attentive for any move. Damian stands besides Dick and sips his drink, almost finishing it.

“Well, Grayson, what are you doing here when everyone at the ball is looking for you?”. Damian tried to ease the mood but Dick shakes his head and maybe he drank more than Damian anticipated. “Grayson?, are you alright?”.

Dick laughed, shaking his body and bumping his shoulders with Damian’s. Is not a laugh Damian is accustomed to hear. Is a laugh of sadness and longings and Damian doesn’t have an idea of what to do with that. Titus lies at his feet and the music is still playing. Dick says nothing more and Damian starts to feel anxious.

“Grayson?”. He repeats and is about to say more when Dick grabs his glass with the wine remains. The touch is quick and abrupt and Damian watches how the man drinks the wine and licks his lips after.

“You have to go to the party, Dami”, he says and his voice is rough. Damian wants to shake him, there’s something dark in Dick Grayson right now and Damian doesn’t know what he can do. “You have to go now, understood?”.

Damian makes a frustrated sound, snatching the glass away from Dick. The boy rests a warm hand in Dick’s shoulder, a friendly gesture that Damian does when they are alone. But Dick avoids his gaze and Damian wants to ask if everything is ok, Dick can trust in him. Then the boy gets angry, not just with Dick but with himself. He presses his fingers, hard against Dick’s jaw and Damian forces the man to face him. His eyes are heated with fury and sadness and Damian wants to step back, there are things in Dick’s gaze that he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to.

“Damian, I’m serious, you have to go, now”, Dick says and is clearly an order and Damian frowns.

“Tell me what’s wrong with you, maybe you drink too muc–”. Damian can’t finish because Dick interrupts him, grabbing him by the arms and Damian feels his back hit the wall.

And yes, Damian wants to fight, every muscle tenses but there’s something wrong in Dick’s eyes. Something that sends shivers down his spine and Damian really wants to step back and run. But he stays and forces himself to not hit Dick, thinks is the influence of alcohol until Dick tightens his grip. It hurts and Damian cannot suppress a shocked sound.

“Why you didn’t listen?”. Dick whispers, almost desperate and Damian want to say something, anything. Instead just observes, more confused than before.

Dick moves his hand, slow until he caresses Damian’s neck. The contact is hot and then Dick squeezes again. Damian gasps, concentrating in no fight back, thinking that if he endures Dick will tell him. He will come back to his usual self, explaining whatever is happening to him.

But he doesn’t. Dick tighten his grip and Damian is about to really hit him when Dick kisses him. Savage and quick. He squeezes harder and Damian opens his mouth, gasping for air, giving access to the man hot tongue without the actual consent. Is forceful and Damian doesn’t understand anything. He doesn’t understand the groan that comes out from Dick, low and throaty, a wild sound of a wounded animal. The man bites Damian’s bottom lip and the boy gasp in pain. The hand in his throat relaxes but Damian knows that he will have marks the next day. Marks of fingers, painful and cruel.

Outside the sky illuminates with the fireworks, a sign of the beginning of a New Year. And Dick kisses him, taking away Damian’s breath in a forceful kiss that hurts in some way that Damian ignores dutifully. Is weakness, is admitting he let Dick get to close.

All ends the same way it started. Quick. Dick breaks away violent and watches Damian with a terrifying clarity. He turns and Damian’s left fighting for air. His arms hurt, his throat and his head. His lips are burning and his eyes stung, everything is confusing. Titus rises suddenly and licks Damian’s hand when he has the empty glasses of wine.

There are pieces of glass in the carpet and spots of blood that Damian recognizes as his. He has cuts in his hand and Damian supposes he broke the glass when Dick was kissing him.

He stays a little bit longer, standing with his thoughts in a knot. When the fireworks end, Damian is in his room. He bites the lip Dick had broken with his teeth. His mouth tastes of blood, wine and rage. He breaths heavily, trying to not cry, stopping the tears and he sleeps with his face towards the door. He is alert for any movement.

He doesn’t dream.

 

2.

The second time there’s no music in any part of the manor. There’s no Titus or fireworks. There’s also no wine that may justify Dick’s actions.

Damian has a rare sleepless night, a problem that seemed distant a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it has something to do with his body, still adrenaline-charged from patrol. But surely has something to do with the fact that Dick was staying for the night. For sure sleeping soundly, unaware of Damian’s problems. That is the main problem because Damian was avoiding him since New Year.

The marks in his skin were gone after five days. Days when he had to use turtle necks to hide the finger marks on his throat. The cuts in his hand was easily justified as the split lip, the only consequence was his father scolding him for his 'alcohol abuse’. Bewilderment and confusion were still as present as the first day and Damian wanted to distract himself. Wanted to justify Dick but the true was, he couldn’t.

Dick acts as if nothing ever happened, but Damian knows the man wasn’t drunk enough to actually forget about the whole thing. Not after that last glance, the one that left Damian trembling of fear and tension. But for weeks they just met in galas and events where Damian makes sure to be stuck with Bruce like a shadow.

He doesn’t know why, but something hurts when he remembers what happened and also something turns red in his mind and body. Something scary and Damian has to control himself once again after that.

So he walks around, barefoot making no sound against the carpet. He goes to the kitchen and drinks water feeling a strange peace at having more rooms between Dick and him. The more he walks through the shadows the more calmness he feels. He remembers his mother, doing relaxation methods after having trained for hours, smiling easily.

Damian looks up and watches Dick walking down the same corridor. They tense up for a moment but Damian avoids looking the older man and continues his way. He forbids himself to retract even if is a tentative option. He walks pass Dick without saying a single word and wonders if that’s the real consequence.

It’s there when the man grabs him by the wrist, stopping him. Is a firm hold but Damian is ready this time. He turns and breaks the grip, throwing a punch that Dick stops and soon they are fighting. The only things that interrupts the silence are the grunts of pain and the sounds of fists connecting skin, muscles. The man is taller than Damian and has a little advantage upon him, which Dick uses well. And the only thing Damian truly knows during the fight is that he still understands nothing at all.

Is a distraction and soon Dick applies a wrestling hold tightening his grip in a way that puts Damian out of fight. He is afraid and also a shameful expectation about what will happen next. Dick manhandles him and yes, finally he kisses Damian, angry and aggressive. Damian gasps into the kiss and Dick takes him by the waist, under the shirt, his fingers digging painfully in the brown skin.

Damian pushes, he wants explanations but Dick presses forward, biting and sucking without a care. They are instincts and emotions that Talia sometimes talked about. Instincts Damian knows in theory but he never felt them before and Dick is strong and exigent. Possessive and harsh, is wrong but Damian opens his mouth and when Dick licks his way in, the boy lets out a breathy moan.

He begs in a unknown language for something he really doesn’t understand. Dick leans back, just as abrupt and feral like the beginning. The man observes him for a few seconds, usually blue warm eyes dilated in hot fury and something even scarier.

Then he just leaves. Damian breaths heavily and goes to his room. He walks straight to his bathroom, trembling and licking the blood from his upper lip. He locks the door and sees himself in the mirror, lifting his shirt. Again there are purple marks, five in each side that Damian caresses. Then, even more frightened, slides his hand under his pajamas, palming his hard cock and sighing contently. He imagines Dick watching him, kissing him again with all the brutality he usually hides. He comes after a few strokes, listening his heartbeats and watching his hand, smeared with cum.

Dick is not in the manor in the morning.

 

3.

The third time is the conclusion of his discovery. Dick corners him and Damian already knows what will happen so he lets the man to grab him, hot, big aggressive hands against his body. He opens his mouth to prevent any injury in his lips but Dick bites him anyway, like a mark. Everything is something Damian saw coming so he focus in his own reactions.

Shivers through his body, his hands trembling as he tries to hold on Dick. Warm sensation in his belly when Dick nips his upper lip then bites viciously. Damian hears a low moan and realizes is his, a hunger that surprises him. Their encounter is not softer or sleeker or less painful, but Damian takes everything and after a moment, he craves for it. He clings to Dick’s forearms and gets carried away by the sensations.

His mother talked about it. She warned him about it, Claiming it was the most difficult thing to control from the whole spectrum of emotions. But Damian knows in those moments there’s nothing more than delicious pleasure. He wants to give up and ask Grayson for more, anything, everything.

He lets Dick’s hands roam his body, under the school uniform and when the man grunts low and grabs his ass, Damian doesn’t complain. He moans again, pressed against the bigger, stronger body, feeling the muscles shift under his touch. Damian is pliant, wishing for more. He longs for marks making him remember after days, shattered lips bringing to his memory how good is to feel Dick’s desire for him.

The man moves away and Damian feels Dick’s breath against his lips. He opens his eyes, looking at Dick’s dark expression, the man drops him and walks across the corridor. He is tense and furious and Damian just lets him go.

Damian strips, standing again in front the mirror and checking for new marks. They are in his shoulders, forearms, they look amazing in his hipbones and the split lip is a blessing. Bruises that would stay in his skin, helping him to know that everything was real. And if Damian touches himself like that, naked and looking the purple bruises in the mirror, is not his fault. Is Grayson’s, because he shared his own demons with Damian, his desires. He taught Damian what is really pleasure, a thing Damian denied for so long already.

He wonders, lying in his bed with his body moist for the shower, when will occur again. They don’t talk about it but Dick always comes back. Is a dangerous game and Damian knows it. He knows there is something else below the burning passion, a sensation that makes his heart stop when he is looking at the bruises. But he doesn’t know what this entire matter means for Dick.

The man has always been what others don’t, he has a place in Damian’ soul that is his and no one else. And that was fine but now Dick wants more and Damian doesn’t even understand the whole picture. He is afraid but remembers his mother’s voice and feels a sudden calm. You can do it, Damian, that man is as breakable as any, you blink and then he is at your knees. And Damian reflexes about it, he knows Grayson has the control in this situation and is afraid that’s the whole thing about. Power, control, a twisted mind.

He sleeps with his back against the wall.

 

4.

The fourth time is an agreement. Quiet and subliminal. The hot summer breeze itches against the damp skin for the shower after patrol. Damian doesn’t want to admit that for the past weeks, the thirst for Dick’s touch was almost insufferable. He is about to give up when Talia’s voice echo in his head. Control, Dami, control yourself; she whispers. The bruises are gone more quickly than anticipated and soon Damian sees himself without a sign of Dick’s brutality in him. Nothing that tells about their perversion.

But Dick stayed again and the manor is quiet, the patrol was aggressive, the perfect formula. Damian recognizes already the look in Dick’s face and then he knows. Walks through the halls, no sound and precise, his heart beating fast against his ribcage. He wants to meet the shadows already and is Grayson’s fault. Is his fault that Damian has no power in his body and mind.

Dick seems relaxed, normal and Damian asks himself not for the first time, what’s really happening. The man has a shirt and loose pants on, the muscles of his arms flexing and makes Damian blush, his body warm and eager. He wants to remember more Talia’s voice and her lectures about 'desires’ but she spoke in riddles, a wicked smile on his lips.

Damian pretends he isn’t there for Dick and the man pretends he is just passing by. They walk in steady steps and in the middles, Dick takes Damian forcefully. Are strong hands, painful in his wrists and then Dick’s scent, stronger and musky in Damian’s personal space. Damian feels dizzy with want, a familiar emotion by now and in an eager gesture, Damian moans.

And Dick growls and finally, finally, he kisses Damian. Grabs him by the neck and pulls hard Damian’ short hair. They boy clings to Dick’ strong shoulders and kisses back desperately. The man’s tongue brushes his and both moan low, clinging to the other. Damian feels Dick’s hands travel down and grabbing his ass, hard. The boy wants to plead for bruises, for more but just a breathy groan comes out. Dick swallows the needy sounds, bites him and Damian feels something hot in his belly.

Desire.

His cock reacts and Damian rubs against Dick’s lap, asking for anything the man could give. He wants to feel that hard cock inside him, but Dick goes no further than few kisses that leaves him breathless. Bruises and split lips, no proper marks or scars in any part of his body.

Dick moves away and Damian tries not to follow, drowning an embarrasing needy sound. Something hurts again but Damian push the feeling away, clinging to the blind pleasure. Dick grabs him by the neck and looks at Damian with the same cloudy expression from the first day. But Damian wants more, he needs it.

“Is your fault”, he says and Damian trembles.

His voice is no longer gentle, charismatic and full of confidence. His voice, eyes, body are now agressive, violent, dark. All in him is primitive and Damian wants it desperately. He thinks that’s why his mother warned him. Desire is dangerous, Damian, it will condemn you. And Damian is greedy and he longs for Dick to sink because in that very moment he finally will give him what he needs.  

Dick will corrupt him.

“Is your fault, dammit!”. He repeats and Damian understands. Dick just need a little bit more and Damian can do it. He is good provoking others, breaking them.

Before he can say a word, Dick tighten his grip, choking him for a few seconds before he lets Damian go, turning and walking away as always. But Damian knows what to do; he goes to his room, locking it. Then he takes his clothes off and grabs his cock, tight and perfect. He imagines how easy Dick could break him; Damian will be pliant in his arms and the man could do everything, dragging him to perversion.

Dick knows whose fault is and Damian knows that they are almost there.

 

5\.                                                                                              

He never thought he would see that. Not when Damian meet him, or when the man was Batman or Nightwing or just Dick. And Damian doesn’t know what to think, lots of thoughts going through his mind. Nevertheless there’s one clearer than the others and is that he should be silent. And also he has to go, quickly.

Batman talks through the comm and Damian regains control, breathing again and he moves away smoothly. But the damage is done. The rest of patrol is like a violent blur, screams and blood and Damian wanting to feel anything but the dumb ache in his chest.

Suddenly he feels like everything he won in this gambling has been nothing. The older man has again all the winner cards and Damian is tired.

They arrive to the cave and Damian showers with cold water. In his mind is Dick with the Nightwing costume, pounding against a brunette tiny woman in a dark alley. Under the hot gush Damian also listens the woman’s moan, the skin against skin sounds, hard sex full with dark pleasure.

Damian doesn’t walks to the dark halls of the manor anymore. He avoids Dick’s glances, the messages, all from a person so different sometimes Damian doubts the man in the dark was Grayson. And Damian has to control that growing perversion in him. He wants to stop wishing marks or bruises in his body. He wants to forget the pleasure he feels imagining hands upon his body. He longs to forget how is feels being kissed, strong, passionate and perfect.

But everything seems in order again, anyway, Dick always knew how to pretend.

 

6.

Is an innocent scholar rumor that suddenly appears in the social section of the Gotham Gazette. At first it was bothersome but after the whole “arranged marriage” mess, Damian takes the rumors with humor. So when the page shows Damian with one of his (richest) classmates outside the Academy, he ignores it, setting it aside.

He has more important stuff to think about like the Batmobile’s new program or the trail of a new rogue gang in Gotham. Jason seems to control that good enough but Damian knows that the man has business in there too so he doesn’t trust him in this matter. Also is good to track a thing like that for future reference so he can help Todd if he needs it.

So the rumor issue is out of Damian’s mind before lunch. When he returns from patrol, warm for the shower and lies in his bed the last thing he thinks about is in that. Which is, evident, until Dick comes through the window, looking absolutely furious.

Damian feels that electric fear again but he fights it down, forcing his body to move. Dick doesn’t have the domino, still full of adrenaline, looks at Damian and it starts. Damian tries to hit him but the man avoids every punch and soon pins Damian down. Both try to make as little noise as possible because they don’t want to face Bruce in those moments. They are breathing fast, Dick with a hand in Damian’s arm and the other squeezing his neck, trapping him against the cold ground.

And Damian wants to understand what’s going on but more important is: what’s going to happen?. Dick doesn’t relent; he leans forward and bites hard the back of his neck, covering the boy’s mouth when he lets out a little scream of pain.

Dick bites more, his tongue tracing a wet path from the curve of Damian’s neck down his shoulder. It hurts but Damian is painfully hard, trying to get friction against the ground. It’s all too quick, Dick is not kind, and he is not the Golden Boy anymore. Is a man, one that has allowed himself to give up and Damian wants it all…

He will have it all.

Dick strips him with rough hands and quick movements; he leans forward again and rubs his nose against the dimples at his lower back. The man breathes deeply almost moaning over the boy scent and Damian wants to cry out loud, full of lust and want. Damian wants to come and feel that bliss after but Dick holds him in place, licking his way down Damian’s bottom.

Bites and licks the blood if he breaks the soft skin. Finally he will create scars that will scream his name and this little story. Damian gaps and asks but Dick ignores him, sucking the soft skin of his thighs, behind his knees and calves. And suddenly there’ something more in those gestures. Something like adoration that Damian recognizes and he moans like an animal in heat.

He listens Dick removing his suit and then is skin against skin. Is hot and Dick slides his hard and thick cock between Damian’s warm ass. The boy moans urgently and breathy and Dick slaps his ass, hard and quick. A delicious ache.

“You are mine, understood?”. Dick growls and turns Damian with a quick motion, the boy’s bottom meeting the cold ground. They look at each other and Damian wants to hide under that gaze but also wants to feel too. Dick still looks furious and takes the boy’s jaw, squeezing, then he speaks low and deep in Damian’s ear: “You won’t see anyone. Won’t think about anyone and you won’t wish for anyone else, understood, Damian?. You are mine, mine…”

And Damian moans and groans, nods fervently and buries his fingers in Dick’s forearms. The man smiles, almost cold and kisses him at last. Is a paradox that leaves Damian defenseless because is a sweet kiss. It has something that any other kiss they shared had, in a way claims Damian more than the others. A gentle tongue and light sucking, tender for a moment until Dick moves away and everything transforms again.

Then again is pressure and blood, saliva and Gotham scent in Dick’s body. Damian could only lick and taste the spandex in the man’ skin, Dick doesn’t let him do more, pinning the boy’s hands over his head. Is delicious and Damian wants to touch more, bite more, taste more, but Dick growls and Damian behaves. Is Dick wanting to devour him, Dick looking at him and Damian trembles and marvels at his own reactions.

When Dick prepares him is almost gentle but the effect is lost somewhat when he bites and sucks Damian nipples, erect and red for abuse. Is too much pleasure, too much Dick Grayson and Damian wants to ask. Why him?, what happened and what will after all that?. Everything remains without verbalizing because Dick enters him with a single thrust. And Damian cannot think or breathe; he just closes his eyes and moans, low and desperate.

The man thrusts again and covers his mouth, silencing the boy’ scream of pain and pleasure. Damian whimpers, feeling full each time Dick enters him hard and quick. He is making loud noises, pleads that should be shameful but Dick slaps him, thrusting eager into Damian’s tight hole.

Is perfect in the same brutal complexity. Dick kisses him devotedly but fucks him achingly. And Damian understands everything, even the tiny, brunette woman in the dirty alley. He lets himself being kissed, caress, feeling Dick’s fingers in places no one ever touched him. The pain brings pleasure and Damian sees white, his world expanding in something bigger and powerful.

The desire and passion merge in fragility. Dick touches Damian’s cheek, kissing him and whispers his name like a prayer, his lips against the skin. Is adoration when the man strokes Damian’s cock, painfully hard and moves his hand slowly. The boy scratches Dick’s back, trying to hold on something while he tries to meet Dick’s thrusts.

When Damian comes is violent, shakes his world in pieces and he stops breathing for a few seconds. He remembers the kisses and touches, the darkness in the manor’s halls hiding secrets that are now truths. And Dick keeps thrusting, desperate and Damian looks at him with teary eyes and discovers that the man is crying.

Another perfect contradiction.

Damian takes his face in his hands, pleading for more even if his body is oversensitive. He sighs encouraging words and strokes Dick’s damp hair while the man melts in his arms. He keeps thrusting and Damian kisses his shoulders, sucking a red angry mark in his neck just above the pulse. He licks the sweat and moans and is there when Dick comes; hot inside the tight heat, moaning and Damian trembles, pleased.

They stay like that for a moment and when Damian hears again a sob he disjoins and looks at Dick blue, big eyes.

“Forgive me, Dami… Oh god… I… I didn’t mean to hurt you… I…"Damian kisses him because he can. He shuts the apologies and he knows Dick will understand too.

Is all a game and they are good against each other but together they are better. The best. Dick cleans the wounds, cleans also his cum from Damian’s hole. Is a strange sensation and Damian doesn’t know what to do but he lets Dick do it. The man sits on the edge of the bed, naked and with the moonlight illuminating his back.

Damian swallows down a sigh.

"Sleep with me”, he orders and Dick turns, smiling and this time is just Dick. Kind and gentle, smiling Dick Grayson.

The man that will blame himself without reason, not caring the many times Damian will tell him the contrary. But he will not leave, not again. And Damian knows the next time they cross each other in the dark halls, in the rooms, it will be Dick Grayson as a whole, the one that will kiss him.

Aggressive and sweet. With body, mind, heart and soul and Damian finally will understand perfectly Talia’s words. She told him a secret, an advice and Damian will know it then.

Dick lies with his head against Damian’s chest. They both sleep with the shadows and the night hiding the sins, the violence.

The love.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank for reading. Title from the song Delilah- Florence + The Machine.  
> If you have a prompt for me, just send me [something](http://e-growtear.tumblr.com/tagged/drop+something/).


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